So, apparently, not only did Nas do Illmatic and Mobb Deep run through their “career highlights,” but last night at SXSW, Fifty Cent and Eminem took the stage. I could care less about Fiddy—actually, he seems like man of principle, but I never really have a shit about his music, y’know—but Eminem?!?!?!?! ZOMFG!!!

I know you’re like, “What in the Bubba Sparxxx hell? He can’t even say ‘nigga’ in his raps!” But Em is one of the most serious lyricists ever, right up there with Biggie and Nas. Note I conspicuously omitted Tupac. And he shits on the sweaty-palmed, mouth-breathing piece of particle board known as Jay-Z. There, I said it.

Oh yeah, and Snoop was there. And Raekwon. If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go stab myself in the eye. #nohouston